MODERN OFFICE

How to Say “No” — at Work

Don’t seek to be liked, seek to be respected

One of the biggest lessons I learned during the pandemic was that “no” is the new “yes.” I penned (well, keyed) a piece about it here on Medium that was really successful. Turns out that thousands of people are just like me and struggle with the tiny word. Some reminded me of a maxim they live by: “No is a complete sentence.” I love that. Others responded that they, too, are people-pleasers of an equally problematic magnitude. And many readers asked an important follow-up question: how do I do that at work?

Saying “no” at work is a much trickier task, because the power structure in place is different than that of our social relationships. Yes, any relationship can have a power imbalance. Friendships, romantic relationships, family relationships — they all have power imbalances that we have to negotiate in our quest for love, validation, and acceptance. But, at work, that power imbalance is formal, overt, and kept in place by reporting structures, departments, titles, and salaries. We seek love, validation, and acceptance, even at the office (whether in real life or virtually), but within the work environment, we seek money, power, praise, and…well, health insurance.