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3 Ways To Become More Assertive
A guide for people-pleasers and the overly accommodating
Well-meaning adults teach us to stand up for ourselves when we're little kids. For some, like me, the lesson never took. If assertiveness were a muscle, mine would have been atrophied.
A reckoning with my submissive disposition happened during a battle for a promotion. On paper, my experience and knowledge made me the ideal choice. I thought I had secured a significant victory in my young career, but my boss had a different take.
The conversation began with the usual prologue of abundant praise, the kind that has you thinking uh-oh, he's setting me up for disappointment. And then, once they wrap up the accolades, they pause and gather the strength to say the most terrible of three-letter words.
But…
You're impressive, a great fit, totally qualified, but… I'm worried you won't stand up for yourself when you're in a challenging position. I'm concerned that when you need to push people to hit a deadline. You're too accommodating, too eager to please others.
In short, he believed I'd let people walk all over me, which made sense because my behavior up to that point led him to that conclusion. That was when I knew I had to change, but it would take another ten years of trying to figure out how to do it.
A lack of assertiveness, I realized, stems from fear. You don't stand up for yourself out of fear of what others might think or how they might react, or you're just too eager to please everyone.
Ironically, the fear of eliciting a negative response and a desire to please others results in outcomes where we attract people who despise our perceived weakness and repel folks attracted to strong and confident friends.
If that seems familiar, don't fret. These three techniques helped me shed my meek traits, develop a more assertive personality, and become more confident.
Create a leadership position for yourself
A leadership role forces you to break out of your shell. If you're shy, quiet, or compliant, you may find opportunities wanting. Like my promotion rejection, others saw I lacked assertiveness — a…
